If I Had Only Known Before...

Other peoples' opinions DO NOT MATTER!


Thank God for Jesus!

Take My Life

Who can say
When life is over
The silver cord breaks
Our breath returns to God

Will we walk through fields of clover
Or soar up high
Through valleys deep and wide

I cannot know
All that's waiting there
But until that day
This is my prayer

Chorus:
Take my life
Take away all the shattered dreams in me
And give me love that will last forever
Take my life
Give me the love that makes me free'
Cause I believe
That Your Love can save
Even a wretch like me

This race is not
Just for the runners
Some of us walk
While others barely crawl

We make our way through spring and winter
Leaning on strength
That strengthens all
And when the sunlight fades from morning
You'll still be burning in my eyes

(chorus)

And when the sunlight fades from morning
You'll still be burning in my eyes

(chorus)

You Never Know Just How You Look Through Other Peoples' Eyes

It's so weird how you never really know what you mean to someone else.

They could make you feel like you're a vip...when really you're just one in a crowd of many.

You could look at them and see a turned back...but the moment you look away, is the moment that they began looking your way.

They could have a thousand kind words...that mean absolutely nothing to them.

Or sit in the silence...not a word...as their heart bursts with love for you.

Guess you can never know.

No matter how bad we need to be wanted and loved...

It is only our own actions we can control.

No matter what someone else gives to us..

So love fully and live for anothers happiness.

Love & Friendship

What is true love? What is true friendship...

I know now it's not...

-Having a person who will be there for me only
-Hanging in there until it's too hard
-About how another person is being to me
-Only loving the people who treat you right all the time
-Expecting to be comforted all the time
-Conditional
-Temporary

True love & friendship is about:

-Being there for someone, holding them till they feel safe.
-Holding out a hand, hanging on and never letting go
-Being good to another person
-Loving people even in their imperfection
-Comforting
-Unconditional
-Permanent

As much as I long for feeling loved, true love & friendship is more about how I treat others. We can only control what we do.

Hopefully, someday, I will be able to be less self-absorbed and learn to love and be a way better friend. Someday...

Lying is Cruel

So someone asks me a question like "Am I fat" and I have been blessed with the complete inability to honestly spare their feelings.

That is, I am completely unable to look them in the eye and say, "No" if I think they are. So I am considered a mean person.

Yet the rest of the world can just cold-heartedly look me in the face and make me believe an even deeper, darker lie...unfair!

I really really really don't understand all this.

And my children, who are innocent and really must be the closest thing to what God would want me to be...they are changing because they are surrounded by lies, lies and Nothing can change it..

And I tell the truth about the deepest darkest, most painful things... and I deal with the consequences and the judgements...and people who are so egocentric and self-righteous that they would blog about other peoples' sin in the most unloving way...only to pour salt in an already open and visible wound!

I wish I could quit being transparent and lie like most of the world.

They may say it's to spare my feelings...or avoid a fight.

But how much more deep and painful it is when the truth is revealed along with the fact that they hated me enough to lie all this time!

And how selfish to lie and hurt someone instead of dealing with talking it out.

Nothing changes...nothing can be fixed. No matter who it hurts some people don't care enough to be honest.

I'm sick and depressed and sad cuz the world has let me down.

Jesus hasn't, but why can't I see him or hold him? Why does it seem he is so far away?

Love is honesty...or at least trying to be.

Truth is love.

I've been looking for a lifeline
for what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline


Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline


You know a heart of gold
wont take you all the way
And in a world so cold
its hard to keep the faith

Im never gonna fade away!

-Papa Roach

The rain forgot to fall
The rose deprived
Pushed aside
Sent out her roots
Sucking up every last drop

But there's no more
And as she wilts away
So to do the others
Who grew along side

The gardener comes along
Taken aback by this sight
The rose who once was blooming
Wilting in the sun light

Though he saw her before
Her thirst he ignored
Now he nourishes her
But it is too late...

Her veins have dried
She can be nourished no more.
No bright sunlight
Or the purest water
Could make her petals bright again

This rose once blooming
Wilts away